Where is The Hooded Claw?

Firstly, apologies for the delay in updating this, I've been too busy locked in a legal battle with Tony over that nasty Facebook site he made. He claimed that I am, and I quote, a "nasty poo-poo head with a face like a melted bus shelter". Obviously, I took offense to this, and quickly got my lawyer involved - however the courts ruled in his favour, partly because they felt sorry for him and his receding py00b-fro, and partly because what he said is true. Cunts.

Anyway, one thing that has been less active than my blog updates is THC and his presence on the forum. Where has he gone? The forum has been rife with rumours: some people are saying that he left to star in the Go Compare adverts; some are saying that he bought SAIC and designed a head gasket far superior to my original K-Series design, in an attempt to get one over me; some are saying that he left to concentrate on being Berto's new girlfriend; some are saying that since things have calmed down he's returned to his other job working for Kate and Gerry McCann; some are saying that he's away on a course that teaches you HOW to NOT randomly use CAPITAL LETTERS when TYPING just for the sake of SMASHING THE KEYBOARD TO SMITHEREENS; some are saying that he's the new head of Al-Qaeda; some are saying that his body was dissected, and the parts from it used to make the new MG6; some are saying that he never really existed in the first place...

Whatever the case may be, I'm glad he has gone, as once again I'm solely in charge of theMGZR.co.uk, meaning that my quest for world domination has risen to a whopping 48% complete. I was in talks with ShafTz about masterminding a forced MG-Rover.org takeover which would see my status rise even further, however Steve Childs' level of evilness surpasses even that of my own. As a result, and for fear of the repercussions should my attempts fail, I have shelved said plans for the time being. The last time I pissed him off, he sent unwanted pizzas to my house! The guy is NOT to be messed with.

Anyway, it's good to be back. I'll post more later, away just now to play Snake II on my new Nokia 3310.

Sam Rawson

Stumbled upon this:

dailybooth.com/mrsamrawson

WTF? I have liverspots which are older than him. In fact, I have a muesli stain on my cardigan which is older than him. In fact, I have a girlfriend with more facial hair than h-... actually, scrap that one; if she reads it they'll have to surgically remove an umbrella from my left nostril.

Anyway, back to Sam. Surely he's not old enough to drive, yet he owns a ZR? When I passed my test I was already losing my hair, and I had a mass of upper lip py00bs - he doesn't even look like he has anything worth shaving. I bet his ballsack looks like Matt Lucas after he's been for a bath.

Regardless, any more annoying posts from him and I'll send Berto the link; he's not heard from Sarah141028643725233 for a while so his balls must be the size of Big Slick in anticipation of some new members to e-molest.

oh noes!1

The Hooded Claw has returned. My plans for world domination had risen to 27% complete, however The Claw's return is a serious set-back with regards to my future plans, resulting in a drop of 9%, down to, erm... 27... minus 9...... carry the 4..... denominator....... erm, well less than 27% anyway.

I'm raging. I had the whole place to myself; ShafTz always seems to be away buying suitcases, nitroglycerin and sawdust, and Jonnazi is about as much use as an arsehole on my elbow. However, just as I was beginning to get into the swing of being the daddy, The Claw decides to crash the party and lay claim to the title of Site Owner. He can fuck the fucking fuck off. The site is mine. All mine. IT'S FUCKING MINE I TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid Claw can eat my boney sock-covered kneecaps.

Rats

Rockstarmike's rat has had babies. I'm shitting my pants as the paternity test results are as-of-yet inconclusive.

Took the plunge

Finally plucked up the courage to write Lisa a letter telling her how I feel. As you can see, I've even bought a red leather couch like TJ's; I'm also considering becoming strangely ginger-yet-bald and growing a py00b combover so that I can be more like him.

I hope she calls me again soon, I've got a tub of Vaseline next to the phone just in case.

Paternity test results are in...

...and after several months of uncertainty, I can now confirm that I am the father of the creature in the story below:

Sheep gives birth to a mutant Lamb with Human Face

It had been a long night. I'd had one too many Blue WKDs. All I was looking for was a good time. The pubs had all closed. My dad punched me in the face when I turned up at his door. There are no nightclubs in Wales. I decided to walk to SarahTT/Saz22/Fatty's house, so I travelled south to go north. Before I knew it I was in a field in Turkey, with this absolute STUNNER sitting in front of me, baaing seductively. It had been at least a week since my last wooly encounter. I couldn't say no. The rest, as they say, is history.

The good news is that the pound sterling is strong against the Turkish lira, so not going to lose much of my lucrative theMGZR.co.uk income to child support.

Have you ever thought about sleeping with another man?

I'm trying to dispell the myth that I'm gay by asking males the above question on the forum. I am NOT gay. I'm just desperate. It's like guys in jail - they take male anus and cock because it's all they can get. Cha has left my penis withered and flacid, and without Rapester and Petorious it would actually have cobwebs dangling from it (or should that be "cockwebs"? Hahahahahaha, bit of classic Welsh humour for you there).

Anyway, I'm hoping that by asking that question, people will think that it's too gay a question for a gay person to ask, thus rendering me epicly hetero. There is nothing more important to me than retaining my e-hardman image, don't want to let it slip just because of a few poorly placed comments about my love for Bri, and the fact that I admit to watching Eastenders. Might post pictures of a few cross-stitch patterns I made earlier, that'll let them know this Welsh dude is ALL man!