Took the plunge

Finally plucked up the courage to write Lisa a letter telling her how I feel. As you can see, I've even bought a red leather couch like TJ's; I'm also considering becoming strangely ginger-yet-bald and growing a py00b combover so that I can be more like him.

I hope she calls me again soon, I've got a tub of Vaseline next to the phone just in case.

Paternity test results are in...

...and after several months of uncertainty, I can now confirm that I am the father of the creature in the story below:

Sheep gives birth to a mutant Lamb with Human Face

It had been a long night. I'd had one too many Blue WKDs. All I was looking for was a good time. The pubs had all closed. My dad punched me in the face when I turned up at his door. There are no nightclubs in Wales. I decided to walk to SarahTT/Saz22/Fatty's house, so I travelled south to go north. Before I knew it I was in a field in Turkey, with this absolute STUNNER sitting in front of me, baaing seductively. It had been at least a week since my last wooly encounter. I couldn't say no. The rest, as they say, is history.

The good news is that the pound sterling is strong against the Turkish lira, so not going to lose much of my lucrative theMGZR.co.uk income to child support.

Have you ever thought about sleeping with another man?

I'm trying to dispell the myth that I'm gay by asking males the above question on the forum. I am NOT gay. I'm just desperate. It's like guys in jail - they take male anus and cock because it's all they can get. Cha has left my penis withered and flacid, and without Rapester and Petorious it would actually have cobwebs dangling from it (or should that be "cockwebs"? Hahahahahaha, bit of classic Welsh humour for you there).

Anyway, I'm hoping that by asking that question, people will think that it's too gay a question for a gay person to ask, thus rendering me epicly hetero. There is nothing more important to me than retaining my e-hardman image, don't want to let it slip just because of a few poorly placed comments about my love for Bri, and the fact that I admit to watching Eastenders. Might post pictures of a few cross-stitch patterns I made earlier, that'll let them know this Welsh dude is ALL man!

Hhhmmmmmm

Today Berto was telling me about how he had sex once. I have my doubts.

Gift ideas?

Not been replying to forum PMs tonight as I've been busy searching for a gift for Lisa in an attempt to woo her. I have a fair whack of the site's funds to spend on her, plus a large portion of Rapester's takings from his lucrative facepalm sticker buisness, so looking to get her something really nice. Saw some nice pencil sharpeners on the Staples website, however, as much as I love giving a woman stationary, I'm currently leaning more towards toiletries as a possible gift option due to TJ telling me that she is "a fucking filthy little spunkbucket with a penchant for utter dirtiness". As much as I like the lass I'd prefer her to be clean, so the Dove shower creme I saw reduced to £1 in Asda might be ideal. He also said that she loves cocks, however I'm not sure if having a pet bird around the house would be good for Duncan. Might just get her a big lollipop, as apparently she likes sucking big purple ones too.

My dad hates me

I haven't spoken to my dad for years. To my surprise, he called me up today. Conversation went like this:

Me - Hello?
Dad - You're a twat.
*dial tone*

I phoned Rapester for some consolation:

Rapester - Hello?
Me - Oh hello there, it's Andy!
Rapester - You're a dick.
*dial tone*

Thought I'd phone Jonnazi instead:

Jonnazi - Hello?
Me - Oh hello there, it's Andy!
Jonnazi - Hello mate! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah computers blah blah blah blah blah blah ponytail blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah server blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Geordie blah blah blah blah blah blah hair extensions blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Ugg boots blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Welsh blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah you're a cunt.
*dial tone*

Never been so upset since I was banned from theMGZS.co.uk.

New pair of sandals

Just splashed out and bought myself a pair of these sandals. It's not like me to go for such an outrageous style, however I won £13 at the bingo last night so thought I'd go mental! Also treated myself to some new Pringle socks in a rather fetching shade of beige to go with them, looking forward to the nicer weather so I can wear them with my short-legged dungarees. Thinking about buying Lewis a matching outfit, however he's already had an ice cream this month (with a Flake in it, I might add!), and I don't want him to turn into a spoiled brat. That said, he did get a gold star at school yesterday for drawing a picture of a sheep (I've added it to my personal collection), so he maybe deserves a treat... might even buy him a new flat cap!

Speedlines for sale!!!

Almost got embroiled in a stolen goods scandal this evening when Dazzer caught onto the fact that Rapester and I were selling the wheels we pinched from Rich. Thankfully, because Rapester bows to my every whim, I made sure he listed them under his name to cover my own back. Still a squeaky bum moment though, not really been caught up in so much controversy since I banned Suggs for undercutting the hash price I quoted the ever racist White Mike.

Site updates going well

Working on a few improvements just now; section are being moved, edited, closed, merged, etc., etc.. I've set up a new generic user called MG ZR How To, basically so that everyone thinks it's one of the admin doing all the work, when in actual fact it's my lackey Rapester. He's doing a decent job, although the inconsistent length of his facial hair is somewhat questionable.

Jonnazi, ShafTz and I have actually spent all day sending humourous YouPorn links to each other. I genuinely didn't know that a jar could fit so far up a guy's arse, nor did I realise that human excrement made a tasty snack. I asked Cha if I could try some of hers, stating that it appears to be a bit of a delicacy in many parts of eastern internets, however, she was less than impressed with my request. Surgeons are just about to remove her Doc Marten from my left testicle, so will have to log off for now.

I'm in love!

I can't get Lil' Lisa out of my head. I spoke to her on the telephone a couple of weeks ago, and even though I never understood a single fucking word she said, I can't stop thinking about how sexy her high-pitched Scottish screeching voice sounded. TJ has also hinted that she pung the bean over my dulcet Welsh tones, so not sure if I should just grow some and ask her out on a e-date or not? I've already used my powers of MSN seduction to get virtual sex out of Rapester, ShafTz, and Bri, plus I managed to get a phone bonk off Berto by pretending to be Sarah14103992674552 with laryngitis, so you never know - I might have a decent chance with Lisa.

The only issue which I can forsee is my lack of clunge experience; I've never used my Welsh charm to seduce a female before, only males. I didn't even have to do anything to get Cha, as within fourteen seconds of her clapping eyes upon my finely-combed moustache, delightfully chic combover and four curly chest py00bs sprouting out of my paisley cardigan she was using my nose as a dildo.

Will report back soon with the results of my seduction attempts, away to comb my mangina.

I'm a dick.

Apparently - and this is news to me - everybody on the forum hates me. The only two people who don't are Rapester and Petorious, and that's only because they want to tickle the contents of my stereotypically Welsh khaki y-fronts. Even Cha hates me, and I live with her! I've put in so much effort with her, and have given her almost one orgasms, but she still thinks I'm a dick.

Might need to borrow DannyZR's rope soon.

Welcome aboard, C4MNY...

Following Bri's departure, I thought it would be appropriate to replace him with someone else with a nice set of large tits. Since ThumpJunkie had already been there and done that (excellently, I might add), and with several women's rights organisations threatening to take me to court for my "sexist" employee policies, I was left with no choice but to appoint a female as the newest member of our moderation team. Welcome aboard, Christine. Hopefully she'll be better than our last female member of staff (well, the last one who never got the job simply because she buries my nose in her pongy pink penis passageway bi-weekly), Emily, and actually attend any meets which she arranges. Also, as a female member of staff, I would expect her to not only avoid having DannyZR fall in love with her to the point of him dangling himself from the rafters, but also refrain from encouraging any sexual advances Berto makes within the Moderation section.

Tired

Never slept well last night. The thought of Bri leaving lay on my mind like a big, steamy cowpat. Everytime I did fall asleep, I'd wake up thinking it was a dream, only for the tight grip of disappointment to grab me by the throat upon realisation.

I even woke up at one point, unable to breathe. I thought it must just be the lingering effects of a nightmare, however, upon coming to I realised that it was actually caused by Cha flipping over in her sleep and plonking her ample right breast square onto my coupon. After a 20-second-or-so struggle reminiscent of Jim Carrey freeing himself from the confines of a mechanical rhino in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls, I finally managed to wrestle my face free from the onslaught of this soft yet firm breast tissue. Was a close call. From now on I'm going to take a hydraulic jack to bed with me, although not for the same reasons that Andy25 does.

Goodbye Big Slick...

Big Slick a.k.a. Bri a.k.a. Slacker a.k.a. Dead Hamster Slam Dunker resigned as a Moderator this evening. I'm truly gutted. NOBODY, not even Cha and her big wobbly boobie woobies satisfies my sexual needs like Bri did: the way he held me; the way he kissed me; the way he unwrinkled the underside of his ballsack and let the sweat from within the folds flow freely into my mouth before ramming his big, veiny, purple peni-... erm, anyway, I'll never forget him and the unparalleled love he showed me on an almost daily basis.

Logging off for now, going to drop-kick a hamster in the face in his honour.

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to my blog!

My name's Andrew, a.k.a. andylew0, and I'm from Wales. As a previous MG-Rover employee (I was in charge of the CityRover's suspension development - I also designed the K-Series engine's headgasket and the standard MG-Rover heater resistor pack), I believe I'm ideally placed in the singlemost important role within the MG-Rover world - joint owner of theMGZR.co.uk. The site is primarily an MG ZR enthusiasts' forum, but also moonlights as a lucrative business venture which has made me a very, very rich Welshman.

It is also the permanent home of both Jonnazi, a mysterious, long-haired creature with an apparent penchant for "fixing" things which don't need fixed, and Berto, the long-lost peadop-... erm, I mean audiophile cousin of Chewbacca. Other regular visitors include ShafTz, whose main occupation is being your local friendly neighbourhood terrorist, and Rapester, who punts dodgy gear whilst using his forum standing to seduce all three sexes; males, females and West Midlanders. Rich is often there too, but nobody really likes him as he always has his srs pants on, plus he has a phobia of excessively proportioned avatars.

I've started this blog as a means of venting the daily frustrations which running an internet forum brings, and for the purpose of updating my road to world domination progress, which currently sits at 18% complete.

My hobbies include stressing out over others' forum posts, n00b abuse, being Welsh, expensive haircuts, cross-stitch, cardigan pattern design, goats, finely combed moustaches and needing AVOs.

I will try to update this daily, for now I'm away to pick up Tony's dummy.

Cheers,

Andy